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+--- Thread: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... (/showthread.php?tid=1225)
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last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - ericlp - 07-18-2007
I like it here but my wife is getting cold feet says she is not happy and wants to move back...
What to do? Anyone have this sort of problem? Experience? What did you do to work it out? Possible?
Thanks...
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - Andrew - 07-18-2007
Don't know you and yours but if this applies: Get out from behind the TV and/or computer and enjoy the special things that only Hawaii can offer.
FWIW, Andrew
______________________________
DiveHilo Dive Club Website:
http://www.divehilo.com/
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - Andrew - 07-18-2007
Take a photography class,
Get fit and swim, bike or hike,
Plant a garden,
Study Hawaii's many bird and/or aquatic species,
Get SCUBA certified,
Take surf lessons,
Volunteer in some worthy program,
Learn the Hawaiian language,
Go to more Punaweb events,
The list goes on and on,
Travel back to the mainland and discover all that you will miss.
Andrew
______________________________
DiveHilo Dive Club Website:
http://www.divehilo.com/
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - John S. Rabi - 07-18-2007
Happiness has nothing to do with the place, happiness is within. Good luck Eric!
Aloha,
John S. Rabi, ABR,CM,CRB,FHS,PB
http://www.JohnRabi.com
Typically Tropical Properties
"The Next Level of Service!"
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - JerryCarr - 07-18-2007
Eric, a lot of people get those feelings, and for many, they pass. Others never adjust. I don't know what the hard statistics are (or even if there are any,) but some people say anecdotally that almost half of the mainlanders who move here end up going back. (At least that's what some employers and their apologists say when they don't want to give you a job.)
I do know that it is a major decision to move here involving a lot of thought and analysis. I also know that it is human nature to think at some point after such a big decision, "What the hell have I done?" It should take as much or more deliberation to reverse such a decision.
Gently insist that your wife adopt some of Andrew's excellent suggestions if she has not already tried something similar. Then set some reasonable amount of time in the future to revisit this and see if her attitude has changed. See if you can get whatever it is that is working for you here to work for her.
You didn't mention any specific complaints she has or how long y'all have been here. That information might help elicit some more specific advice from forum members.
Good luck,
Jerry
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - nanasohana - 07-18-2007
Well I for one was having a heck of a time being so far from our 7 kids and 7 grandkids in Oklahoma and that is still a bigtime issue for me...so is family so far away the issue? If so, she should go back for at least a 4 week stay to see if she really misses where you came from or if she is just having a hard time adjusting to such a different place...and, you know, you do have to live somewhere for awhile to see if it does fit you. The real trick is to be somewhere where you both will feel happy and home. Well, really, home should be where the two of you are....thats what is really important.
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - Bob Orts - 07-18-2007
Did she say what was causing these feelings?
I know many people who have moved to HI just to move back. In most cases it had nothing to do with HI itself. It was an illusion they built about HI and living on the BI based on their vaction at a resort. Others simply fell for the fantasy of living on Hawaii, yet never willing to let go of their mainland lifestyle.
I'm sure every one hears this from mainlanders all the time "Why back at home....". That means they don't accept where they are as home.
Talk to her an let her express how and why she feels the way she does.
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - mella l - 07-18-2007
As a city girl who relocated to the country, I found it hard to adjust to the lack of stimulation, the museums, theater and friends and family. Made the move to raise my children in a more natural environment, more homey and it was a good choice. That being said it took me 4 years to really embrace my new home understand my reasoning completely.
Once in a while I still get home sick for my city home, but I drive down to see friends and family, do the theater, and such. It amazes me that it reconfirms I love the country life!
Perhaps as Nancy suggested a trip back for a month would clear up the reasoning?? Also joining groups where there is interest, gardening, orchid society, astronomy center, volunteering and such would help with isolation issues and entertainment at the same time. What are her hobbies? Take her night kite flying! That would do it for me, but then I'm easy!
Hope this helps Eric, love your posts and am rooting for your new home and such. Good luck.
mella l
PS John is quite right though, It is how you live, not where you live that provides contentment, happiness and satisfaction!
Edited by - mella l on 07/18/2007 17:49:31
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - maud gonne - 07-18-2007
This may be unfeasible, but it's what I do whenever I move to a new place (and I've moved many times, always to a totally different environment).At first I feel isolated & disoriented, missing the comfort level of the place I used to live. Then I work on getting all my friends & family to come visit (not all at the same time). (It's not hard to entice someone to visit you in Hawai'i.)Sure enough, I get to share my new life with my old friends as I integrate, and at the same time I've gotten several of them interested in buying property over here, not necessarily to live on full time but for second homes or investment or just a camping spot. I guess it's called the best of both worlds. Moving anywhere, even paradise, means a period of adjustment, and it's not a pleasant feeling, because you've left everyone and everything behind. I hope she gives it a longer tryout, for your sake.
RE: last ditch effort? SO says she hates hawaii... - ericlp - 07-18-2007
Thanks all for your comments. I thought I would ask before we move back... We have been here for almost a year around 10 months.
My wife scored a job with Hilo Medical Center... So going back for 4 weeks isn't really an option. I quit my job I had for almost 10 years in Oregon, to come here but it's been kind of rough ... I always thought my wifes unhappiness was just some sort of phase... Complaints about it's too hot or she likes the 4 seasons and she can't stand the mosquitoes... She says Hawaii reminds her of Thailand her home town...She wanted to move from Thailand because she didn't like it there.
The options of separation have already been discussed but I don't really want to choose that path. I could personally be happy moving back to Oregon, but I feel she has not given Hawaii a chance. I tell her she should just try and work it out for 3 years. Since she tells me she likes her job.
I guess it kind of throws me into limbo for my dreams or since now I've semi switched to prepare to move back. But... I'm still trying to get her to change her mind... The last thing I can do is Kaiser offers personal Councilors they really don't offer couples counseling... But maybe that will help?
Thanks for all your responses. Maybe they might help, but I really think I'm fighting a uphill battle since trying to change someone well, as we all know... People will have to WANT to change before they can change themselves.
We don't have any well, She doesn't have any family back on the mainland. We do have friends of course...