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+--- Thread: New transplant problems? (/showthread.php?tid=1993)
New transplant problems? - DrJ - 03-22-2008
My wife and I were wondering about any problems that you've faced as new transplants to the island. We've been doing our research and have read books on moving to Hawaii and we're curious as to your experiences.
I keep reading that some transplants have felt that the locals are standoffish towards them due to many different reasons. Is that even true? Or is that more of a stereotype that keeps getting proprogated? Are there any other problems that you've run into?
We're just curious as to what people have personally experienced versus what we've read in the literature.
RE: New transplant problems? - missydog1 - 03-22-2008
This is not a new issue. I've never found people to be standoffish in general interactions. It's just that you never belong, and you may not ever get to know the locals in a deep sense. Yes, I feel it, and my family feels it. I have moved to various states in my life, and some don't care if you're a newbie, and others do.
New Mexico was my first experience of being unwelcome. Way worse than Hawai`i.
The island is like a small town. It isn't cosmopolitan. People who grow up here have a lot of extended family, both by blood and not. They don't need you in the social structure and will probably not be too interested in knowing you. They expect you to go away at some point, like so many others.
That said, there is more smiling and happy superficial type interaction here than you would ever get in some big city where a person working a register will barely give you time of day or bother to be polite. People are very nice here. People are helpful. People are generous. But they are also living in a different world than you. If you really have something deep in common with another person, then hopefully you will make a real friend.
In some ways, when you come here you are like an ex-pat anywhere in the world, where ex-pats tend to form their own circles and social networks for mutual support.
RE: New transplant problems? - jdirgo - 03-22-2008
I've never encountered anything other than great friendliness and acceptance here.
I alwsys come back to the same rule "you get what you give". If you project out friendliness, acceptance and caring, you'll get it back.
John Dirgo, R, ABR, e-PRO
Aloha Coast Realty, LLC
808-987-9243 cell
http://www.alohacoastrealty.com
RE: New transplant problems? - leilaniguy - 03-22-2008
People are friendly enough, though sometimes slow to get close. A lot of people here have a wait-and-see attitude about newcomers because so many end up leaving after a short time. Why invest all the effort in a close friendship with someone you'll never see again? The local expression is "Here today, gone to Maui"
RE: New transplant problems? - Greg - 03-22-2008
I think most problems encountered are brought from afar. I've very, very rarely offered a smile and a greeting and been offered anything else in return.
I've seen, on the other hand, people from the mainland (probably Yankee fans)exibit rude and abrubt behavior towards the "natives".
RE: New transplant problems? - Kapohocat - 03-22-2008
I think the main problem is the issue with Hawaiian time. Me, I am a piddler so HT is great for me! My dad has a hard time with HT being a type A all his life.
Also our issues living on an island are much different that those on the mainland. (active lava flow, dock strikes, only 3 airlines to choose from, etc). I think too if there is resentment from locals, it is from those who move here who try to make it just like where they came from. It aint happening. Get over it now. The internet has done alot of homegenizing but there is still quite a bit that is specific to Hawaii, and even more so the Big Island which is why the Big Island is the best! I would like those FBI (From Big Island) shirts to also say "but I am here now".
RE: New transplant problems? - kani-lehua - 03-22-2008
quote:
Originally posted by leilaniguy
People are friendly enough, though sometimes slow to get close. A lot of people here have a wait-and-see attitude about newcomers because so many end up leaving after a short time. Why invest all the effort in a close friendship with someone you'll never see again? The local expression is "Here today, gone to Maui"
ditto!
malia paha o lohe aku
perhaps they will hear
RE: New transplant problems? - Easygoing - 03-22-2008
Good Luck
RE: New transplant problems? - Royall - 03-22-2008
Too late to start that one Easy,....[
] they are already on their way
]Royall
What goes around comes around!
RE: New transplant problems? - missydog1 - 03-22-2008
I've never gotten anything but friendliness either, and I believe very much that a smile and the right words bring a good positive response. In my case I was fortunate to move here with someone who had spent years living in the islands and who mixes pretty seamlessly, so I had a good model and a good educator.
OTOH, I read certain boards where people speak freely and I know there is resentment against newcomers, on the part of some people, and you might never know it. But I think it would be naive to be unaware of it. Doesn't have to become a negative factor in life here; it's just something that is, realistically, out there.
The reluctance to get close to someone new is understandable but understanding it doesn't make it easier for me. I've spent a lot of time in places where people come and go and rather than standing back from relationships they get to know people all the more quickly knowing they might not have the chance to know them long -- but can maintain a relationship long distance.
It's a cultural thing not to open up to strangers, typical of a fairly insular group, not that unique to Hawai`i, which is why I said, like a small town, where the same families live for generations. Sounds good to me, actually, it just hasn't been my life.
My life before was a lot of moving and usually meeting new best friends within a few months, being asked to become a godmother by a friend I'd known for 2-3 years. Doubt that would happen here with a local friend, though it might well happen with a fellow transplant ...
part of it for me though is my own trip, that I'm not around the same types of common interests as I was on the mainland, and a lot of that had to with participating in a program or belonging to a department, whereas now I'm just doing my own thing.