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Child Abuse Question - ChunksterK - 10-24-2022
My neighbors and I are in a quandary about what to do about a woman in our area who verbally abuses her children on a constant basis. It reached a new low yesterday when no less than three of us could hear her swearing at them like an angry, drunken sailor from inside our own homes. She uses the most abusive language imaginable, btw. Some of us want to call Protective Services, but I was told that it's all they can do to try to stop parents who beat or starve their kids and that they don't follow up on verbal abuse calls. Does anyone have any current or inside knowledge about this? Any suggestions? Past attempts at trying to talk to her provoked more verbal abuse. FWIW, we have no evidence that she's been beating them, and they look well fed.
RE: Child Abuse Question - Obie - 10-24-2022
Sadly the only thing you can do is talk to her and that has already failed.
RE: Child Abuse Question - terracore - 10-24-2022
It's not the job of an abuse witness to try and determine what CPS will or won't do. And a witness probably doesn't know if there are other reports of harm that have been filed (like from a school) that would be another piece in the puzzle.
"Child abuse is broadly defined as when a parent or caretaker emotionally, physically, or sexually abuses, neglects, or abandons of a child. Child abuse laws are intended to protect children from serious harm while still allowing parents to raise and discipline their children as they see fit. Cases of child abuse are more frequent in the United States than most people realize: every year there more than 3 million reports of child abuse made, involving almost 6 million children. Four or five children are killed by child abuse or neglect every day.
Again, if you suspect that someone is abusing a child, report it by calling 1-808-832-5300 from Oahu, or 1-800-494-3991 from a neighbor island. You can also contact visit FindLaw’s Where to Get Help for Child Abuse section for more information on what to do.
Hawaii Child Abuse Laws Related Resources:
Physical, psychological, and emotional effects of child abuse can be extreme. You should always report possible child abuse cases to the authorities as soon as possible. For more introductory information about this topic, you can visit FindLaw’s child abuse section. If you would like to talk to a lawyer concerning an existing or possible case of child abuse, you can contact a Hawaii criminal defense attorney in your area."
https://www.findlaw.com/state/hawaii-law/hawaii-child-abuse-laws.html
1980's PSA I remember watching as a kid: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8z97F48Ef4
When you decide to make a report they will want to know exactly what is being screamed at them, not vague generalizations. Recordings are best but written quoted statements (including expletives fully spelled out) are also useful.
Even if the verbal abuse doesn't trigger any legal action, sometimes being put on notice that it's on the radar will push somebody to get the help that they need.
RE: Child Abuse Question - kalianna - 10-24-2022
Can you talk to the kids when she isn't around? Ask them if they're ok? Need help? Or maybe ask them where they go to school and notify the school to keep an eye on them?
RE: Child Abuse Question - ChunksterK - 10-24-2022
Thanks for the responses, especially terracore's, which was pretty thorough. Obie, one neighbor just said she was going to try talking to the mom again. I wished her luck. Kaliana, good suggestion. However, no one has been able to get close enough to them to ask those questions without the mother being right there. Only one is old enough for school of any type, and we don't know where he goes.
The latest bad news is that the kids are using that language toward each other.
RE: Child Abuse Question - sistersue - 10-24-2022
(10-24-2022, 10:19 PM)ChunksterK Wrote: Thanks for the responses, especially terracore's, which was pretty thorough. Obie, one neighbor just said she was going to try talking to the mom again. I wished her luck. Kaliana, good suggestion. However, no one has been able to get close enough to them to ask those questions without the mother being right there. Only one is old enough for school of any type, and we don't know where he goes.If you don't want to be involved, you can send an anonymous letter to CPS and explain what's going on. Maybe they'll do a "well-check" visit and that will scare the mom into cleaning up her act. She could be physically abusing them also if she's that unhinged. jmo
The latest bad news is that the kids are using that language toward each other.
RE: Child Abuse Question - MyManao - 10-25-2022
There used to be people inside of CPS that one could get a hold of privately that would then be able to advocate for the kids without having them overwhelmed by the system. The people I know that did like that are long past retired. Otherwise that would be my suggestion.. but I don't know anyone that is still active in all that.
Without that, it sounds to me like the only option is to befriend the mom and help her in whatever way she will allow. Share a meal, a cup of coffee. Burrow into the situation, find out if there's family somewhere. Slowly, slow enough not to spook her. She must have parents that care? The father of the kids? But still, on the ground, in the moment, try to provide a safe haven for her as well as the kids. Obviously that's easier to think and write than it is to do, and oh man I feel for you, and all of them. Good luck.
RE: Child Abuse Question - ChunksterK - 10-25-2022
There's no visible father figure for the kids. The grandmother who babysits sometimes is apparently where the mom picked up the habit of swearing at the kids. (Why are you not surprised?) Grandma swears at everyone. There is a Grandpa who occasionally passes through, but no one has been able to speak to him. We are still discussing what to do, but I know we have to do something.
RE: Child Abuse Question - Obie - 10-25-2022
I had a friend who did that to his kids. It's just how he was. He could string together a sentence of 4 letter words.
One boy went to the Air Force Academy, the other to West Point.
I would call CPS and ask what they will do. It would be hard for them to catch her in the act but maybe a welfare check will help.
RE: Child Abuse Question - kalakoa - 10-25-2022
Offer to babysit. What these kids really need is a second opinion on life.