08-29-2022, 07:44 PM
. It was standing room only at the Pahoa Community Center for the Pohoiki Boat Ramp Draft Pre-Design Report Presentation held earlier this month, where a bevy of Oahu guys dressed in leisure wear showed up to discuss replacing the Puna landing smothered by lava four years ago.
Things started out inauspiciously enough with emcee John K. railing against fake news by delivering, yes, fake news. And it didn't get much more coherent. We did learn the Limtiaco Consulting Group is not laboring on this project alone. They have also sub-contracted AECOS, Inc., Cultural Studies Hawaii, Sea Engineering, Inc., J. Uno & Associates, Dudek, and Geolabs, Inc. to help them move a pile of rocks.
Next up was a DLNR dinosaur who regaled the audience with folksy tales of growing up in Hilo and assured us all how much the state bureaucrats really do care about the little people of Puna. And he was on an airplane out of here two hours later.
Then the hired ocean engineer got up to present the facts about the Puna Coast his research had uncovered, but he looked way too much like my tenth-grade biology teacher for me to pay any attention to. And apparently I wasn't alone, since his presentation was later critiqued as being "elementary-school reporting." But what amazing conclusions did this marine specialist give us? "It's a very dynamic coastline," "It's really energetic," and "The waves are big!" These insights seemed to be major revelations to the Honolulu hodads.
Using this expertise, the consultant has come up with three alternatives for reopening the boat ramp. First, just scoop out a channel. Second, scoop out a bigger channel. And third, build a couple of jetties and scoop out in between them. Every option has its drawbacks. Experts and fisherman both agree that a dredged canal built without any type of reinforcement would just get filled in again, possibly within days. And constructing jetties would cost up to $62 million and take a millennium to get the permits and financing. So what did the consultant decide would be the best option? He didn't have a clue. Which is why the meeting was held in the first place. To find out what the local community recommended so he could blame any failure on them.
Despite it being a room chock-full of angry Hawaiians, I have to say this was one of the easiest audiences I've ever seen. It was like an exercise in confidence building. Every opinion was the right one!
"Carry forth with dredging Pohoiki." Thunderous approval.
"Let's not rush the plan." Cacophonous clapping.
"Why not at least stabilize the test dredge?" A stupefying din.
"Scrape the whole beach." Roaring agreement.
"As Pohoiki goes, oh, no trench, no dredge." Tumultuous applause!
It looked like so much fun I almost got in line to speak myself, but, sadly, the meeting was cut short before I could make my statements. I can only imagine how it would have gone: "Mayor Mitch never learned how to swim." (The rafters shake.) "Governor Ige talks just like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on the Bullwinkle Show." (The concrete foundation cracks.) "Matty K-K registered a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig as an emotional support pet." (The louvers blow out!)
So what do I think is going to happen at Pohoiki now? Unless the consultant starts obeying state environmental laws and considering alternate locations, absolutely nothing.
Cowabunga, Dudes!
Things started out inauspiciously enough with emcee John K. railing against fake news by delivering, yes, fake news. And it didn't get much more coherent. We did learn the Limtiaco Consulting Group is not laboring on this project alone. They have also sub-contracted AECOS, Inc., Cultural Studies Hawaii, Sea Engineering, Inc., J. Uno & Associates, Dudek, and Geolabs, Inc. to help them move a pile of rocks.
Next up was a DLNR dinosaur who regaled the audience with folksy tales of growing up in Hilo and assured us all how much the state bureaucrats really do care about the little people of Puna. And he was on an airplane out of here two hours later.
Then the hired ocean engineer got up to present the facts about the Puna Coast his research had uncovered, but he looked way too much like my tenth-grade biology teacher for me to pay any attention to. And apparently I wasn't alone, since his presentation was later critiqued as being "elementary-school reporting." But what amazing conclusions did this marine specialist give us? "It's a very dynamic coastline," "It's really energetic," and "The waves are big!" These insights seemed to be major revelations to the Honolulu hodads.
Using this expertise, the consultant has come up with three alternatives for reopening the boat ramp. First, just scoop out a channel. Second, scoop out a bigger channel. And third, build a couple of jetties and scoop out in between them. Every option has its drawbacks. Experts and fisherman both agree that a dredged canal built without any type of reinforcement would just get filled in again, possibly within days. And constructing jetties would cost up to $62 million and take a millennium to get the permits and financing. So what did the consultant decide would be the best option? He didn't have a clue. Which is why the meeting was held in the first place. To find out what the local community recommended so he could blame any failure on them.
Despite it being a room chock-full of angry Hawaiians, I have to say this was one of the easiest audiences I've ever seen. It was like an exercise in confidence building. Every opinion was the right one!
"Carry forth with dredging Pohoiki." Thunderous approval.
"Let's not rush the plan." Cacophonous clapping.
"Why not at least stabilize the test dredge?" A stupefying din.
"Scrape the whole beach." Roaring agreement.
"As Pohoiki goes, oh, no trench, no dredge." Tumultuous applause!
It looked like so much fun I almost got in line to speak myself, but, sadly, the meeting was cut short before I could make my statements. I can only imagine how it would have gone: "Mayor Mitch never learned how to swim." (The rafters shake.) "Governor Ige talks just like Rocky the Flying Squirrel on the Bullwinkle Show." (The concrete foundation cracks.) "Matty K-K registered a Vietnamese pot-bellied pig as an emotional support pet." (The louvers blow out!)
So what do I think is going to happen at Pohoiki now? Unless the consultant starts obeying state environmental laws and considering alternate locations, absolutely nothing.
Cowabunga, Dudes!