03-16-2017, 08:41 AM
I am talking about, of course, palm trees. Palm trees kill more people than GMOs, gluten, insecticides, illegal immigrant terrorists, vaccinations, and cellphone tumors COMBINED!!!. 150 people die annually from being struck by a falling coconuts, AND SOME OF THESE ARE AMERICANS.
When our Founding Fathers wrote the constitution there were virtually no palm trees in America, and NO COCONUTS AT ALL in Hawaii. Palm Trees came from the Middle East, Indian Ocean, and Southwest Pacific. Now they are taking over this country, and biding their time until unsuspecting gullible Amercians wander underneath their death-filled fronds. Now there are palm trees spreading into Europe. Something needs to be done! Edward R. Murrow once wrote that "that we are not descended from fearful men", but was clearly talking about someone else. Our national anthem claims were are the "home of the brave", but may have been referencing one or more Native American warriors. Let's face it, we are cowards. We want safety at all costs. Live free or die? I DON'T THINK SO! Thus, in order to stop the spread of this Middle-Eastern Menace, I propose that all airline passengers be searched for coconuts before boarding planes. They should be X-rayed and also their naked images be displayed for inspection. They should be forced to remove their shoes and laptops. They MUST be frisked, fondled, and felt up. Their luggage should be inspected and their papers must be in order. Sure, this makes a mockery of our basic human rights, but SAFETY FIRST, right?[
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When our Founding Fathers wrote the constitution there were virtually no palm trees in America, and NO COCONUTS AT ALL in Hawaii. Palm Trees came from the Middle East, Indian Ocean, and Southwest Pacific. Now they are taking over this country, and biding their time until unsuspecting gullible Amercians wander underneath their death-filled fronds. Now there are palm trees spreading into Europe. Something needs to be done! Edward R. Murrow once wrote that "that we are not descended from fearful men", but was clearly talking about someone else. Our national anthem claims were are the "home of the brave", but may have been referencing one or more Native American warriors. Let's face it, we are cowards. We want safety at all costs. Live free or die? I DON'T THINK SO! Thus, in order to stop the spread of this Middle-Eastern Menace, I propose that all airline passengers be searched for coconuts before boarding planes. They should be X-rayed and also their naked images be displayed for inspection. They should be forced to remove their shoes and laptops. They MUST be frisked, fondled, and felt up. Their luggage should be inspected and their papers must be in order. Sure, this makes a mockery of our basic human rights, but SAFETY FIRST, right?[
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