We celebrate #27 anniversary end of this Sept. Third round for me, 2nd for her. Some really great stuff posted already, but I'll ramble my 2 cents.
Share common goals, or at least compatible ones. Sometimes we may want the same things, but not same priority. Need to discuss the why's and maybe compromise or adjust. What it takes to achieve those goals may be as important as the goal itself.
Respect and trust that applies publicly and privately. I'd never say something about my wife that I wouldn't say to her face and she is the same. Neither makes "points" with others at spouses expense. My wife is also more private in some ways and I would never blab something I knew she preferred to hold close. Sometimes this can be selective, while some knew about her cancer from the getgo, others never had a clue until after she finished treatment. (over 4 years now )
Honesty and forgiveness as none of us are perfect. If living and doing, we are bound to make a mistake or two, maybe even a serious one. Discuss it honestly and move on, forgive and not make it a weapon forever and ever.
Humility and service. Be willing to take care of each other and do for each other with an unselfish heart. After my wife's accident, I became her primary caregiver and did things I never would have anticipated, BUT I also knew (and know) had the roles been reversed, she would have done for me.
Sense of humor has been said before, but it is so important. My wife can almost always make me laugh. There may have been a time or two I didn't want to, tried not to, but eventually I did. On the other hand, I'm not as good at it or she's a bit harder, but I'll still try. :lol
A united presence regarding rearing children. When raising our son, we might have differing views, approaches, etc, but we worked them out between us and however we treated him, he knew he couldn't play off one against the other. BTW, neither of us was the one right 100% of the time
When I was active duty, wife was also a Dept of Army civilian and when we both worked in Intel with all those alphabetical security clearances, meaning there was little if anything we could talk to each other about our individual jobs or even what we did that day. So those hours may have been lost in a sense. They did not make a void in our life or relationship as we could still meet for lunch, share friends from each others workplace, and still talk about the non classified stuff. Also the fact that I was a professional soldier, some things in my life were not my choice, but her understanding sure helped rather than hinder.
Willingness to change and evolve. Neither of us live in the past. We do things we never thought of doing and no longer do things that we thought were important. Of course, some things are just more physically difficult to do now. Our thinking has evolved and hopefully along same tract because we discuss things. Doesn't mean we agree 100%.
It would be safe to assume some of the above was missing from my other 2 attempts, but I suppose I could have tried harder. Maybe a learners permit would have been more appropriate
That said, I would be terribly sad at prospect of missing these last 26+ years with the love of my life.
Just as there is no "I" or "me" in team, remember the basis of WED is "we".
David
Ninole Resident
