12-11-2011, 07:37 AM
You can really tell a lot about a town by watching its holiday parade. This is a town that produces truly adorable, guileless children who smile even when riding on a bedraggled float in a monsoon. It is also a town that needs a LOT of tow trucks, as evidenced by all of the two trucks from towing companies riding high through the parade.
Most parades would be SHUT DOWN for hours when a float breaks down. Not in Keaau: the tow trucks ARE the float! Brilliant. And if one of those breaks down, there areother tow trucks to tow the broken down tow truck!. There was, in fact, a truck in the parade with a tow truck on the back! It was very festive AND practical.
Christmas in Keaau means exactly what you would expect: Marching buddhists! Inexplicably, the crowd cheered loudly for these buddhists when I think the buddhists themselves would have preferred a response that was more even, and neither too enthusiastic nor too diffident -- sort of a middle way. The crowd seemed unaware of the contradiction between its explosive welcome and the more moderated way of the buddhist marchers.
The town also likes Coca-Cola and may be ready for a drink that has taste AND zero calories, as opposed to, say, a pog-a-rita (add ice to a highball glass; fill the glass ¾ full of POG; add the juice of one lime; add 1-2 oz of Tequila and a splash of triple sec; stir.) True, there may be things in Coke Zero we don't want to know about, but that is true of the fish you catch off of the cliff, too, or a mango you found on the road. Sometimes ya just gotta roll with it.
And roll Keaau does. It's a town that appreciates its very brave and wet hula dancers, who remind you with one dripping wet look and one graceful gesture why this is a special place to be. They don't march to the beat of a different drummer. They hula to the beat of a drum they hear only in their heads because the drum would break like wet rice paper if you struck it in a downpour. And these young men and women are tough: they would hula through a hurricane. Mewling mainland pom-pom girls and boys would open the front door, see sheets and sheets of rain coming down, would slam the door shut and assume, correctly, that the whole thing was cancelled.
And so, Keaau is a colorful, wet, friendly, unique place to be.
But sometimes it takes a newcomer to point to a better way in certain respects: you shouldn't make your own cookies for the Keaau Christmas parade. Why? You can get them at the KTA in Hilo for $3.19! A lot of people have asked me how I did this.
It was easy. The first step is in choosing the right market. Don't go to Malama. Are you kidding? Too expensive (you pay extra for the show). Foodland in Keaau is a shadow of the Foodland in Waimea and for that reason alone should be avoided. Keaau deserved a store like the one in Waimea, but didn't get it. It was a slap.
The Safeway in Hilo is one of the most soulless places on the planet. You walk in and you feel like you are in Pacoima. And it is really, really noisy, with a constant barrage of "advice" from loudspeakers about good buys throughout the store. The cashier will read your receipt and then pretend to know you. It's a gigantesque and unnerving place to be. I may go for the sales, but I won't go for the atmosphere.
The KTA in Hilo is the place to go. Getting there is the hard part. Because it is such a desireable place to be, Hawaiian traffic engineers (I know -- a contradiction in terms like "jumbo shrimp"), have designed many "false" entrances to the KTA (and even false exits!). Be careful you don't end up at the Aloha gas station. If you do end up at Aloha, watch the directional arrows carefully. You can't just drive in any old way you want.
Once parked at the KTA, don't immediately open your car door. Prepare yourself mentally and physically for the shower you will get when you open the door. The KTA is in a very wet microclimate, which is why they offer plastic bags for dripping umbrellas right at the entrance. Use them. I fall easily.
Once in the store, pause a moment to enjoy the smells of what a real store selling real fish smells like. Sanitary issue, or a cultural issue? I think it is cultural. That's what real fish being sold in a tropical place smells like. KTA doesn't sell a little fish. It sells a lot of fish. Surprise. It smells like fish.
Head for the bakery section. You will have a choice of cookies. I chose gingerbread men. This is a classic choice for this time of year. Pick them up and take them to the cashier, preferably one that looks like she appreciates a good cookie from time to time. Present these and expect genuine warmth from the cashier that doesn't come from reading your name on a receipt, and sincere aloha from the boxboy or girl who will be dressed in beautiful, bright blue aloha shirt. If you are like me, you will COVET one of those (size M now, thanks).
Take your cookies to the parade and be proud. You have made a better choice. Here's why: 1) The KTA bakers are professionals and offer consistency. Each gingerbread man will look like the other. 2) You will use fewer resources (I faint at the thought of all the oven-hours expended by those who insist on making their own cookies just to show off). 3) When you look at a KTA cookie you can tell what it is and won't need to have its ingredients explained to you. 4) KTA cookies are made to withstand a tropical environment and will not wilt when you touch them, 5) They come in a sanitary clamshell you can recycle.
The other reason to bring KTA cookies is that no one will want them. And you can take them home and offer them to others!
I have been pretty busy, but when I get more settled, I hope to have you over for a cookie. For those who know me, please feel free to drop by.
And online please call me Kelena. I forget who and where I was before.
Most parades would be SHUT DOWN for hours when a float breaks down. Not in Keaau: the tow trucks ARE the float! Brilliant. And if one of those breaks down, there areother tow trucks to tow the broken down tow truck!. There was, in fact, a truck in the parade with a tow truck on the back! It was very festive AND practical.
Christmas in Keaau means exactly what you would expect: Marching buddhists! Inexplicably, the crowd cheered loudly for these buddhists when I think the buddhists themselves would have preferred a response that was more even, and neither too enthusiastic nor too diffident -- sort of a middle way. The crowd seemed unaware of the contradiction between its explosive welcome and the more moderated way of the buddhist marchers.
The town also likes Coca-Cola and may be ready for a drink that has taste AND zero calories, as opposed to, say, a pog-a-rita (add ice to a highball glass; fill the glass ¾ full of POG; add the juice of one lime; add 1-2 oz of Tequila and a splash of triple sec; stir.) True, there may be things in Coke Zero we don't want to know about, but that is true of the fish you catch off of the cliff, too, or a mango you found on the road. Sometimes ya just gotta roll with it.
And roll Keaau does. It's a town that appreciates its very brave and wet hula dancers, who remind you with one dripping wet look and one graceful gesture why this is a special place to be. They don't march to the beat of a different drummer. They hula to the beat of a drum they hear only in their heads because the drum would break like wet rice paper if you struck it in a downpour. And these young men and women are tough: they would hula through a hurricane. Mewling mainland pom-pom girls and boys would open the front door, see sheets and sheets of rain coming down, would slam the door shut and assume, correctly, that the whole thing was cancelled.
And so, Keaau is a colorful, wet, friendly, unique place to be.
But sometimes it takes a newcomer to point to a better way in certain respects: you shouldn't make your own cookies for the Keaau Christmas parade. Why? You can get them at the KTA in Hilo for $3.19! A lot of people have asked me how I did this.
It was easy. The first step is in choosing the right market. Don't go to Malama. Are you kidding? Too expensive (you pay extra for the show). Foodland in Keaau is a shadow of the Foodland in Waimea and for that reason alone should be avoided. Keaau deserved a store like the one in Waimea, but didn't get it. It was a slap.
The Safeway in Hilo is one of the most soulless places on the planet. You walk in and you feel like you are in Pacoima. And it is really, really noisy, with a constant barrage of "advice" from loudspeakers about good buys throughout the store. The cashier will read your receipt and then pretend to know you. It's a gigantesque and unnerving place to be. I may go for the sales, but I won't go for the atmosphere.
The KTA in Hilo is the place to go. Getting there is the hard part. Because it is such a desireable place to be, Hawaiian traffic engineers (I know -- a contradiction in terms like "jumbo shrimp"), have designed many "false" entrances to the KTA (and even false exits!). Be careful you don't end up at the Aloha gas station. If you do end up at Aloha, watch the directional arrows carefully. You can't just drive in any old way you want.
Once parked at the KTA, don't immediately open your car door. Prepare yourself mentally and physically for the shower you will get when you open the door. The KTA is in a very wet microclimate, which is why they offer plastic bags for dripping umbrellas right at the entrance. Use them. I fall easily.
Once in the store, pause a moment to enjoy the smells of what a real store selling real fish smells like. Sanitary issue, or a cultural issue? I think it is cultural. That's what real fish being sold in a tropical place smells like. KTA doesn't sell a little fish. It sells a lot of fish. Surprise. It smells like fish.
Head for the bakery section. You will have a choice of cookies. I chose gingerbread men. This is a classic choice for this time of year. Pick them up and take them to the cashier, preferably one that looks like she appreciates a good cookie from time to time. Present these and expect genuine warmth from the cashier that doesn't come from reading your name on a receipt, and sincere aloha from the boxboy or girl who will be dressed in beautiful, bright blue aloha shirt. If you are like me, you will COVET one of those (size M now, thanks).
Take your cookies to the parade and be proud. You have made a better choice. Here's why: 1) The KTA bakers are professionals and offer consistency. Each gingerbread man will look like the other. 2) You will use fewer resources (I faint at the thought of all the oven-hours expended by those who insist on making their own cookies just to show off). 3) When you look at a KTA cookie you can tell what it is and won't need to have its ingredients explained to you. 4) KTA cookies are made to withstand a tropical environment and will not wilt when you touch them, 5) They come in a sanitary clamshell you can recycle.
The other reason to bring KTA cookies is that no one will want them. And you can take them home and offer them to others!
I have been pretty busy, but when I get more settled, I hope to have you over for a cookie. For those who know me, please feel free to drop by.
And online please call me Kelena. I forget who and where I was before.
]