08-20-2018, 06:34 AM
The eruption is over (maybe) but it's always there in the back of our minds, leaving us wondering when's the next one coming? And where?
I'd like to offer you a little extra piece of mind. Through an exclusive agreement with Nigerian Prince Enterprises, we're able to bring you and your existing property in Puna a Lava Zone MicroZone Upgrade. Here's how it works.
Do you currently live in Lava Zone 3? For a limited time, we can put you (without moving!) into a Lava MicroZone 3.9! That's basically the equivalent of a Zone 4! What does this mean for you?
Lava Zone 3 - 15-75% has been covered within the past 750 years.
Zone Zone 4 - Less than 15% within the past 750 years.
That's a lot less potential lava for you, your children, grandchildren, and more.
Now, you might ask, are there any guarantees this MicroZoning technique actually works, from a government agency overseeing lava management such as County of Hawaii, USGS, or Civil Defense? No, no, and no. And you wouldn't want them to be a part of it. Can you imagine what we would have to charge for a MicroZone Upgrade if government applications, inspections, delays and other mysterious behind-the-counter processes were required? It would cost a fortune, and take forever. That's why we go direct to get you the lowest price, the highest quality, with minimum wait time for approval, because, who knows when the next fissure will erupt? You need a MicroZone Upgrade now, not when the government finally gets around to putting their stamp on it.
If you act before midnight tonight, we'll throw in at no additional charge, your MicroZone Upgrade Certificate printed on newly approved EPA exempted 100% Asbestos Paper, guaranteed not to burn should lava arrive on your property sometime at random in the next 750 years, comforting you with a surviving document and permanent record that without your purchase it probably would have been sooner. Suitable for framing (frame not included).
Act now!
$19.95 (+ tax)
I'd like to offer you a little extra piece of mind. Through an exclusive agreement with Nigerian Prince Enterprises, we're able to bring you and your existing property in Puna a Lava Zone MicroZone Upgrade. Here's how it works.
Do you currently live in Lava Zone 3? For a limited time, we can put you (without moving!) into a Lava MicroZone 3.9! That's basically the equivalent of a Zone 4! What does this mean for you?
Lava Zone 3 - 15-75% has been covered within the past 750 years.
Zone Zone 4 - Less than 15% within the past 750 years.
That's a lot less potential lava for you, your children, grandchildren, and more.
Now, you might ask, are there any guarantees this MicroZoning technique actually works, from a government agency overseeing lava management such as County of Hawaii, USGS, or Civil Defense? No, no, and no. And you wouldn't want them to be a part of it. Can you imagine what we would have to charge for a MicroZone Upgrade if government applications, inspections, delays and other mysterious behind-the-counter processes were required? It would cost a fortune, and take forever. That's why we go direct to get you the lowest price, the highest quality, with minimum wait time for approval, because, who knows when the next fissure will erupt? You need a MicroZone Upgrade now, not when the government finally gets around to putting their stamp on it.
If you act before midnight tonight, we'll throw in at no additional charge, your MicroZone Upgrade Certificate printed on newly approved EPA exempted 100% Asbestos Paper, guaranteed not to burn should lava arrive on your property sometime at random in the next 750 years, comforting you with a surviving document and permanent record that without your purchase it probably would have been sooner. Suitable for framing (frame not included).
Act now!
$19.95 (+ tax)
"I'm at that stage in life where I stay out of discussions. Even if you say 1+1=5, you're right - have fun." - Keanu Reeves
