01-09-2014, 03:20 PM
While this thread has been ongoing, the strangest thing happened to me. Heard a knock at my door very early one morning. It was creature with breath that was a mixture of coffee, stale cigarettes and what smelled like hazardous waste from Jet Propulsion Laboratories. I should have been startled and should have slammed the door, but I just took a really deep breath in through the mouth and let it out my nose while humming "Ha". I realized right away I had that backwards because it didn't relax me at all. And then he just barged in and started acting like a bull in a china shop. He wasn't much for conversation. He just wanted one thing. I say he, but, honestly, all you can see are those giant almond eyes --as big as dinner plates-- and you didn't even want to KNOW what's below that. So it might have been a he, or a she, or even adaptable to the circumstance, as some claim to be. I don't know. Anyway, I showed him aloha and tried to engage him in conversation. But he only wanted that one thing. Let's just say they don't think it's the eyes that are the window to the soul. As I started to black out, I had several thoughts: "What a beautiful hands-across-the-galactic-seas gesture on my part.....this place is interesting......there is something I need to forget and I will in 5....4...3..2..1..."
Anyway, I tried to be a good ambassador for Hawaii, the faraway nation onto which it was grafted, for Earth and for our fabulous Milky Way Galaxy (Milky Way No Ka Oi!), but as he left I kinda started thinking that Stephen Hawking was right about our ridiculous and frequent attempts to connect with aliens. I mean....are we constantly sending massive radio pulses to Sri Lankans? No. Nonetheless, after he packed up all of his equipment and was getting ready to go, I started humming the theme from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and smiling. He just slowly blinked those big almond shaped eyes as if to say Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Then it occurred to me that I might be traveling through some kind of time warp again and that this creature was TOO YOUNG to have ever seen the movie and that he TOTALLY didn't get my amusing reference. Or really anything I said. At long last, I realized that I was talking like am American of the 1950's which would make translation difficult. I felt like I had stepped out of an old Humphrey Bogart noir movie and had been inserted into "Fast and Furious 7". As he rose to go, he just kept staring at this instrument thing he had in his hand like it was an iPhone 7 made from a 3-D printer two seconds ago. I think it guided him to his next subject of cultural enrichment.
He did leave something behind for me, though. It was a book! It was in his language, but I took a semester of linguistics pass/fail from a professor who was hot for me and I have already translated the cover: It says "To Serve Mankind".
I have more work to do, but I am almost positive that this is a manual on how they can best enslave themselves to us! That book almost writes itself!
Anyway, I tried to be a good ambassador for Hawaii, the faraway nation onto which it was grafted, for Earth and for our fabulous Milky Way Galaxy (Milky Way No Ka Oi!), but as he left I kinda started thinking that Stephen Hawking was right about our ridiculous and frequent attempts to connect with aliens. I mean....are we constantly sending massive radio pulses to Sri Lankans? No. Nonetheless, after he packed up all of his equipment and was getting ready to go, I started humming the theme from "Close Encounters of the Third Kind" and smiling. He just slowly blinked those big almond shaped eyes as if to say Whiskey Tango Foxtrot. Then it occurred to me that I might be traveling through some kind of time warp again and that this creature was TOO YOUNG to have ever seen the movie and that he TOTALLY didn't get my amusing reference. Or really anything I said. At long last, I realized that I was talking like am American of the 1950's which would make translation difficult. I felt like I had stepped out of an old Humphrey Bogart noir movie and had been inserted into "Fast and Furious 7". As he rose to go, he just kept staring at this instrument thing he had in his hand like it was an iPhone 7 made from a 3-D printer two seconds ago. I think it guided him to his next subject of cultural enrichment.
He did leave something behind for me, though. It was a book! It was in his language, but I took a semester of linguistics pass/fail from a professor who was hot for me and I have already translated the cover: It says "To Serve Mankind".
I have more work to do, but I am almost positive that this is a manual on how they can best enslave themselves to us! That book almost writes itself!
