08-20-2013, 05:27 AM
A man walks into a psychiatrist's office wearing only underwear made of Saran Wrap.
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
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The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this.....)
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
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There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied, "Well sir, it was like this. We was drivin' down the road, mindin' our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pullin' up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was 'most dead, so he shot 'em. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him. Then he came over to me and he said, 'How you feeling?'" "I said, I never felt better in my life."
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Bear Remover...
A man in rural Oregon wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof...So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes..The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van...
He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean old pit bull...
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks...
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat...When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go... The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner...
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner...
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
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comin' your way soon!
The psychiatrist says, "Well, I can clearly see your nuts."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Black Bra (as told by a woman)
I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends.
One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.
We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes..
Here's how it all went.
My engaged friend:
The other night when my boyfriend came over he found me with a black leather bodice, tall stilettos and a mask. He saw me and said, 'You are the woman of my dreams.
I love you.' Then we made passionate love all night long.
The mistress:
Me too! The other night I met my lover at his office and I was wearing a raincoat, under it only the black bra, heels and Mask over my eyes. When I opened the raincoat he didn't say a word, but he started to tremble and we had wild sex all night.
Then I had to share my story:
When my husband came home I was wearing the black bra,
Black stockings, stilettos and a mask over my eyes.
When he came in the door and saw me he said,
(you are going to love this.....)
"What's for dinner, Zorro?"
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
There was a man driving a pickup truck down a country road, when suddenly he was broad sided by a trailer truck. Some time went by, and the case got to court. The defense attorney said to the plaintiff, "How can you be suing my client now when you told a trooper after the accident that you felt fine?"
The man replied, "Well sir, it was like this. We was drivin' down the road, mindin' our own business, when a big trailer truck came out of nowhere and creamed us. When I came to, I was in the ditch, and a trooper was pullin' up with his car. He looked at the hogs, and they was 'most dead, so he shot 'em. Then he looked at my dog, and he was hurt real bad, so he shot him. Then he came over to me and he said, 'How you feeling?'" "I said, I never felt better in my life."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Bear Remover...
A man in rural Oregon wakes up one morning to find a bear on his roof...So he looks in the yellow pages, and sure enough, there's an ad for "Up North Bear Removers."
He calls the number, and the bear remover says he'll be over in 30 minutes..The bear remover arrives, and gets out of his van...
He's got a ladder, a baseball bat, a 12-gauge shotgun, and a mean old pit bull...
"What are you going to do?" the homeowner asks...
"I'm going to put this ladder up against the roof, then I'm going to go up there, and knock the bear off the roof with this baseball bat...When the bear falls off the roof, the pit bull is trained to grab his testicles, and not let go... The bear will then be subdued enough for me to put him in the cage in the back of the van."
He then hands the shotgun to the homeowner...
"What's the shotgun for?" asks the homeowner...
"If the bear knocks me off the roof, shoot the dog."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
comin' your way soon!
comin' your way soon!