08-19-2018, 07:40 AM
quote:
That's enough material to keep conspiracy theorists going for generations. Please use your mind, think, and don't let it happen.
But see, you've all got it wrong! All of these theories were put out by the evil lavaluminati to distract us from what's *really* going on here.
There is something in this lava that someone wants very badly. Badly enough to stage a huge cover up.
Think about it. As soon as the eruption started they blocked access to everyone, including people who live there - especially at night. What exactly is it they don't want you to see?
Did you notice those huge camo rigs they brought in that were *apparently* from the National Guard? Ever wonder what was really in those? Now you're starting to ask the right questions. In fact, those rigs were filled with thousands of enslaved Oompa Loompas in chains.
Every night they've been sending these Oompa Loompas deep into Fissure 8 where they're being forced to mine for - not gold, not silver - but...federal dollars. It's real hot and gassy down there in the mines - just terrible working conditions - and all they give the poor Oompa's is just one N95 dust mask apiece - but OSHA isn't looking and their CD overlords tell them they're lucky to have that much.
This nefarious plot all began when the evil Emperor Ige discovered that this lava flow is particularly rich in fed money and he commanded King Kim and his henchmen at CD to clandestinely extract as much of it as possible. They move it through tunnels underground all the way to Hilo and have it piled up in a guarded basement somewhere in the mayor's office building. (If you notice the ground shaking a little in Puna that's actually their underground highway moving the money out.)
The truth was right under our noses all this time but we were fooled by the sulfur gas they let off to distract us and the hysteria they promoted by telling us it was "extremely dangerous" to stand next to erupting fissures or ginormous channelized lava flows. But now you see that too was all part of their plan.
In that room in Hilo the fed dollars are piling up to the ceiling as King Kim and his cronies rub their hands together. One of them asks the King how they'll ever spend it all. He throws his head back with a sinister laugh and says they'll be plenty for surfboards, "hostess bars"(ahem), consultant jobs for all our friends and of course - plenty of overtime. And in case anyone asks what our plan is, just have my secretary write a whole load of nonsense with like a hundred unrelated projects adding up to a lot of money. Bwahahahaha!
So now you know the *truth*. Because I've blown their cover I may need to go into hiding soon. I'll probably have to go somewhere no government official will ever likely spend much time - maybe the shelter. There on my small uncomfortable cot I'll dream of a world where the Oompa Loompas are free and those magic dollars would actually go to help the people of Puna. If only someone could be held accountable.
Until then...# stay sassy Puna # - (whatever that means.) [:p]