04-06-2013, 08:24 AM
It happened to our marriage - wife went off the rails, had some depression, overpowering stress, and got preyed upon by a man with poor morals. I stopped it before it got far, and we are healing but it's hard.
Chances are it's going to happen in your marriage if it hasn't already - statistically infidelity will occur in over 50% of marriages. It doesn't have to happen though if you are willing to put in the work, and abandon some notions that may have made sense 50 years ago but don't apply now.
Abandon your ideas of privacy, I need and grant privacy when I am using the bathroom or she is otherwise our lives need to be open books. Trouble is incremental, generally people get themselves into bad situations step by step and don't just jump into affairs. This is all too tough to do if there is complete open-ness with Facebook, Email, Cell-phones, and finances. If you or your spouse needs excessive privacy and needs to engage in a lot of independent behavior, then be single. Marriage is about a partnership and joint action, privacy is about concealment.
There are a ton of feral people out there, with no larger goal in life than to gratify themselves with whoever comes along wether it be your wife or husband. Don't believe me look on Craigslist, or Fetlife, or Adultfriendfinder, or any of the dating sites if you discover your spouse has been browsing any of those it should be a huge red flag unless you have negotiated an open marriage (if that's you good luck I'm not speaking to you). Most people out there flat out don't care what you've put into your marriage, and what you've sacrificed they just want to gratify themselves with your wife or husband if that's what happens.
In Hawaii County alone there are some 1,000 folks listed on Fetlife, teachers, your neighbors, your friends. Now what consenting adults do between themselves is their business, but the website and atmosphere there promotes gratification above everything else.
What are you going to do to prevent infidelity in your marriage? Communication, transparency, and boundaries. No flirting you or her, share all Facebook, Email, and Phone passwords period. Be very careful with opposite sex friendships, infidelity researchers and writers almost uniformly say that it's never "Just Friends".
Even though we are the "Big Island" it's a small place, and people should be more careful. The other man in my case should be thankful I renewed my relationship with God, I know who he is and I could probably harm him, and his business, and unfortunately probably his family - but I'm working really hard on the forgiveness angle.
Remember stuff can escalate quickly the internet makes everything unreal and very fast. Affairs are almost a form of mental illness and addiction, your spouse engaging in infidelity is definitely in an altered mental state- they aren't the version of the person that you love at that moment.
It's possible to recover from infidelity, but it's much better to prevent it if possible.
Chances are it's going to happen in your marriage if it hasn't already - statistically infidelity will occur in over 50% of marriages. It doesn't have to happen though if you are willing to put in the work, and abandon some notions that may have made sense 50 years ago but don't apply now.
Abandon your ideas of privacy, I need and grant privacy when I am using the bathroom or she is otherwise our lives need to be open books. Trouble is incremental, generally people get themselves into bad situations step by step and don't just jump into affairs. This is all too tough to do if there is complete open-ness with Facebook, Email, Cell-phones, and finances. If you or your spouse needs excessive privacy and needs to engage in a lot of independent behavior, then be single. Marriage is about a partnership and joint action, privacy is about concealment.
There are a ton of feral people out there, with no larger goal in life than to gratify themselves with whoever comes along wether it be your wife or husband. Don't believe me look on Craigslist, or Fetlife, or Adultfriendfinder, or any of the dating sites if you discover your spouse has been browsing any of those it should be a huge red flag unless you have negotiated an open marriage (if that's you good luck I'm not speaking to you). Most people out there flat out don't care what you've put into your marriage, and what you've sacrificed they just want to gratify themselves with your wife or husband if that's what happens.
In Hawaii County alone there are some 1,000 folks listed on Fetlife, teachers, your neighbors, your friends. Now what consenting adults do between themselves is their business, but the website and atmosphere there promotes gratification above everything else.
What are you going to do to prevent infidelity in your marriage? Communication, transparency, and boundaries. No flirting you or her, share all Facebook, Email, and Phone passwords period. Be very careful with opposite sex friendships, infidelity researchers and writers almost uniformly say that it's never "Just Friends".
Even though we are the "Big Island" it's a small place, and people should be more careful. The other man in my case should be thankful I renewed my relationship with God, I know who he is and I could probably harm him, and his business, and unfortunately probably his family - but I'm working really hard on the forgiveness angle.
Remember stuff can escalate quickly the internet makes everything unreal and very fast. Affairs are almost a form of mental illness and addiction, your spouse engaging in infidelity is definitely in an altered mental state- they aren't the version of the person that you love at that moment.
It's possible to recover from infidelity, but it's much better to prevent it if possible.