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We are on the other side of this event by a good span of time. It occurred to me that people never think about sharing passwords, and reviewing call records, or examining Facebook until it's too late. By the time you are looking for information on an infidelity web site you there is probably damage already done.
It never occurred to me I should be checking, if I had things wouldn't have gotten bad or as bad, almost no one sets out to engage in infidelity from the start its incremental.
I think people suspect a motive or "something else" because the idea of infidelity makes them uncomfortable. It should! It sucks, worst experience of my life. We weren't anyone you would see on the jerry springer show though.
I admit it's not something you would normally see in this space, after reading this post though how many of you thought what is going on in Facebook, or do I have the passwords, or when was the time we looked at the actual phone records - some of you might be in for a surprise.
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This may have ocurred in Puna, But it ain't Puna. It don't belong on this forum.
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I get it.
People ask me about moving here, and I mention the energy.
We all know the folks who came to the Big Island lock stock and barrel, and went back from whence they came in a very short time. I knew a couple who were on a plane back even before their container showed up!
Puna is alive in ways a lot of places are not. It hasn't been paved over. It is not covered in neon. There are much fewer distractions than "back home", and more land is being created and destroyed as I write this.
This can be unsettling beyond the stress of a major move. Some people turn tail and go home. Some anesthetize. Some surf the wave and thrive/grow/heal. Some stay but do not handle it well. All paths can have a profound effect on ones marriage/partnership.
I think it is valid to bring this into a discussion on Puna. How many times have I seen the "I'm coming to Puna, what should I expect" threads. Add this into the mix regardless of any questions about the original poster.
I also get that the idea of infidelity is challenging. It is for me as well. I took my emotions as a reminder to be very aware of me as a partner. Am I being the person I want for my spouse.
Aloha~
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I'd be totally humiliated if my husband aired my infidelity (if I'd of strayed)
Not only on puna web but also on CL. I'm sure you have your personal reasons.
I'm sorry but I just don't get it?
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I don't get it either. My BS sensors started going ding, ding, ding, ding just from reading the melodramatic title of the post. Sorry, it just doesn't ring true, and I believe it's all crap. Acknowledging that I might be wrong, it's still a very odd, inappropriate thing to post on a public forum.
As others already mentioned, this scenario could happen anywhere, in any move to anyplace. Nothing Puna specific about this yarn...but that's Rob's call.
Tim
A superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions--Confucius
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You wouldn't have been more humiliated to have strayed in the first place? 
But again I think I'm not articulating the point clear enough. The individual details of our particular case don't matter to anyone else but us, and the are going to be vague.
What matters is that some one may now take the time to look at the phone, email etc, and will catch a problem before it gets out of hand.
Realize the infidelity happened when I doing what people consider to be the typically correct things - attentiveness, respect, compassion, and privacy. The rule book, or guidelines people are operating are woefully inadequate for a post internet age, and the desire for rapid gratification has accelerated in the post internet age. The number of casual predators has greatly increased, at the same time peoples sense of inhibition has diminished. Don't focus on my story - take a moment to reflect on what you can do to affair proof your marriage in light of this.
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so you're suggesting that we spy on our significant others to save us from the pain of infidelity? if that is the case i would have to disagree with your approach to maintaining the relationship, and i'll leave it at that.
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quote:
Originally posted by punafish
I don't get it either. My BS sensors started going ding, ding, ding, ding just from reading the melodramatic title of the post. Sorry, it just doesn't ring true, and I believe it's all crap. Acknowledging that I might be wrong, it's still a very odd, inappropriate thing to post on a public forum.
As others already mentioned, this scenario could happen anywhere, in any move to anyplace. Nothing Puna specific about this yarn...but that's Rob's call.
I agree with punafish. This topic seems so out of place on this forum, particularly so for a total newbie, that I assumed from the get go that it was some kind of phishing expedition. Even if it is really someone's inappropriate and agonized venting, we need not perpetuate it.
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I'm not fishing or venting.
I'm cautioning or sharing what might be some simple preventative maintenance to avoid the possibility for infidelity.
I don't advocate spying by the way, exchange of passwords and so forth should be done openly.
I certainly hope no one here has there life marred by infidelity, realistically I know that it's a coin toss.
I agree it's an unpleasant thought, and thread, it's not enjoyable to contemplate. If it doesn't speak to you or resonate with you ignore it, it's very easy and it will scroll off the page.
Yaaawwwn,
O.K. made your point ...
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